Just back from the gym, not as committed today some days are better than others i guess.. I think if i have an issue with the place is the cliental, who are generally your classic muscle heads Americans call them Jocks; suppose its a breeding ground!! :(

Sunday

..............

Sitting watching Salems Lot, the 1970's version its funny as a boy it used to put the shits up me.. much of what scares me as a kid now acts as entertainment for me.. well with the exception of a Space 1999 episode which still creeps me out..

Depression is a bit heavy this morning, whether its loneliness or anxiety i could not really say hopefully with some exercise later it should disapate.

18 july 2009

Well its Saturday!! big deal.. when you have been off work for a while weekends tend to blend together, what it generally means is your friends might be available for a pint. As a personal guideline i don't drink midweek, viewing it as a bad habit and something which could escalate if unchecked.

Thinking a lot of things people have said to me lately, most of which is just jealous crap and simply unfounded; trouble is my depression and lack of work tends to support these notion when the reality of the system is clearly different. A recent job interview which i did not get produced a surprise in the organisation, offered to provide a character reference for me; acknowleding my difficulties in returning to work. I have on with the NHS in a couple of weeks, if i do the research it could be a winner! fingers crossed..

My dads operation is fast comming up, we all know it.. my brothers taking my parents to lunch tommorow with his girlfriend, i tend to view this as political as they can be scheming buggers at the best of times. -Whatever- i was going to go to the gym instead, maybe take Oscar out in the afternoon for a walk..

Feels like i am waiting, but it always feels that way.

Friends

I have noticed lately that i am reluctant to make new friends, or even try!! I mean i am 38 now and the prospect of meeting new people specifically male friends makes me extremely uncomfortable, twice today whilst at the CAB i have been chating with people and got into a rythm but inside i wanted to make excuses and walk away. I didn't but.. why am i like that? i guess it might be one of those 'comfort zone' things..

Oh well i guess i need to work on it, but its like when people are talking too me part of me wants to look out the window!! i don't and actively engage in the conversation but its not something i like.

1607

Well its been a day since my graduation, it went well no significant problems this time around. The next few weeks promise to be momentus, my Dad is going in to hospital for heart surgery the statisitics are good and fingers crossed he should be okay; but well you fill in the blanks right?.. Lately i have been thinking about dying, not in a goth way just with all this pig flu shit out there it makes you think or not.