Dear blog,
Well after an extended stay i managed to return Oscar to my parents, while i love the little bastard he is needy and can grate my nerves with his insesent barking! Anyhow my folks came home from Cornwall and everything is back to normal, whatever that is?
My Dad is ill, he has a heart condition which requires surgery at the moment we dont know whether his doctor will perform it or not; to say things are tense is a bit of an understatement. I deal with most things by compartmentalising them, okay he is ill he might die even; i accept the reality of this and i think have come to terms with it but we are not there yet thankfully.
I've noticed this before with my behaviour when i get stressed i fixate on something or someone trivial, my mums pushing me to be a teacher which would no doubt eventually push me to jump off Runcorn bridge; i am attributing this to her stress reactions (probably where i get it from).
I use to feel lonely now i dont really feel anything, it bothers me that i am so used to my own company i think i would be scared of letting someone in; feels like an empty warehouse inside. I have friends but they are more peripheral, background even i don't know them and find little in common with them other than drinking larger (perhaps i am missing the point here?).
Jobwise there has been little available, feel like i have missed the boat or rather it did not stop at my port for me. I am considering studying accountancy, its a constant profession and i am confident i can do it; i have an interview in a couple of weeks hopefully it will work out. I dont see many other options for me, except teaching..
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